A return

take me to the photo lab

Some of my fav cards and prints from friends and students. Shot on Portra 800 film

Dave and I decided at the start of the year that after almost 20 years together this summer (yes it feels insane to say that), that we would get married at City Hall. We met in college in the forest between classes at UC Santa Cruz and have been best friends ever since. I have resisted marriage for a long time, mainly because as an institution it pisses me off. It just felt like it was never what I wanted Dave and I to spend thousands of dollars on. I didn’t see why we would want to get married when we were not planning to have kids and we were doing just fine as is. We love one another, we have so much fun together and we trust each other. What more could we want, I don’t feel I need to sign a paper or anything to validate that.

Additionally, choosing to be an artist, has required me to carve out a different way of being in order to protect my art practice. I had a hard time seeing how to do that as a wife- not to say that you can’t, there are plenty of artists who do and are a great example of this- just to say that I felt like it would shift things for me personally or I worried it would. Dave is not a person who would pressure me to do something I didn’t want to. He is the most supportive and wonderful partner and my worries did not really have to do with him, but with me. I didn’t want to feel conflicted about my time, my focus or feel pressure to have kids. I don’t really worry about that anymore, I know I can carve out a different life, and that we already have.

I think its important to note here that the worries I have had are my own and I know my feelings are my own difficult things to parse through. I love going to other people’s weddings and am in full support of other people doing what they want- sometimes our feelings about things are conflicting and hard to untangle and mine definitely are when it comes to this. We were both lucky to have parents who were great examples of partnership and marriage and never pressured either of us to choose it.

What shifted my thinking was my dad passing. Going through paperwork with my mom, sorting out his trust and things after he passed I came to realize, as insanely flawed, misogynistic and frustrating as it is, marriage is also an act of care for the people we love. It puts things in place for when the unexpected happens. It is also an excuse to have your loved ones in one room together, to smile and to celebrate. Both reasons feel really important to us.

Well, May is here, we have our wedding coming up, which is exciting. We are keeping it small with just our immediate family, it will be a daytime wedding at City Hall with a lunch, we plan to take the bus to get there. We still want to consider photos/photographs for it. I love seeing the old film photos from my parents wedding and from Dave’s parent’s wedding, so I thought it might be fun to get an old film camera and use some color film. So that’s what we are doing and my test photos/scans just came back.

Shot on Portra 800 film

I studied black and white film photography in college at UC Santa Cruz almost 25 years ago, and it has felt so fun to carry a camera around with me. There is an excitement that people have when I tell them I want to take a photo of them with my film camera- we brought it to Dave’s cousin’s wedding a few weekends ago, and it just changes the way you think about composition and light. I forgot how much I love it. My relationship with photography the last 15 or so years has been mainly from my phone, shitty and throw away, and this feels like a step back into caring for things and paying attention.

Shot on Portra 800 film

I got a refurbished Minolta x-370- I have a bunch of old film cameras but all of them are in different states of disrepair. So I got a new to me, old camera and some film. These are all shot on Portra 800 film, I love the way the colors look, the oranges and greens really stand out.

I will be wearing a two piece top and skirt I made myself using the Seasons Skort Pattern by Sewn with Grit and the Maxine Crop pattern from Elizabeth Suzanne. I used a really pretty peachy/camel toned raw silk with satiny flowers of the same color. It makes a really pretty subtle shift and I think the film will pick up on it really well.

We are getting beautiful flowers made into a small bouquet by a person I admire, Katie from Eothen in Santa Cruz. My sister will be picking them up and bringing them to us. I told Katie I wanted some pinks and oranges and tiny white flowers- which again, I think the film will really love.

Shot on Portra 800 film

Anyway, I just thought I would share these photos with you and tell you that sometimes its ok to change your mind. A thing I am always learning and re-learning

Side Notes

I am halfway through reading “I’ll Stop the World” by Lauren Thurman and its a fun time travel mystery- very 1985 Back to the Future vibes.

I have been listening to a lot more music while I am painting or at my desk. I don’t do well making playlists because I don’t have the energy but I have been loving Bonny Doon, Woods, Katy Kirby, Waxahatchee, Plains, Big Thief… and we finally took time to display/put together all the records we inherited from Dave’s dad (he is alive and well, we are just their home now) and have been listening to those. There are so many, its gonna take a long time to listen to them all.

The semester is in the last throws, I have to submit grades this week and I have a few things I am have to send to students, but other than that next week will be the first week where I can really focus on my paintings. I am really looking forward to it.

Yellow Brick Road starts in one week! I haven’t taught this in two years, its one of my most popular classes and its for anyone looking to make work that feels more meaningful to them. There are still some spots and I would be happy to have you. You can learn more here.

Big hugs from me to you, stay weird Earthlings.

Lindsay

shot on Portra 800 film