Another week another lovely question submitted into my AMA chat for me to explore and think about with you! If you want to submit a question for me to explore on this feed- do it! I am currently working on a few projects that I cannot share the process of just yet- so this is a fun way for me to share in an intentional way with you all. I love sharing process- so not getting to share is actually killing me- but soon enough!
We will get to Deepti’s lovely question in a minute, but first I like to share a bit about me so that we can all remember (including me) that I am also an earthling, bumbling around and making human errors with human feelings. I don’t have a ton to share about me currently, just know I am writing to you from the floor of a family member’s house as we visit them on vacation! I am drinking luke warm instant coffee with almond milk creamer that insists on separating so I am stirring it constantly like I am Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic. My bangs are at a length that is unkempt and I am still in my sweats.
The semester ended earlier this month and a few of my classes also ended and I have decided to take the summer to decide how I want to move forward with my classes. I have been teaching my classes in the same way for about 3 years- since having them all move to virtual classes and I haven’t really taken a break to consider how the format is working or if there a new way to do it that makes sense to me or feels creative. This is scary, and feels hard since my online classes are a decent part of my income- but I feel like taking this break is necessary for me to really make sure I am showing up for this part of my practice with intention and a vision for what I want it to be. I don’t know what that is yet, and I am not yet doing a ton of writing or anything about it, I am trying to let my nervous system recalibrate and see what comes to me as I carry it in the background of my mind. After I do that for about a month, I will sit down and see what I have. So much of creative work and work in general can be these projects with linear timelines and solid end goals and I get that that’s the way it really needs to be for a lot of things. I don’t want this to be that- I want to give myself space to really center myself in my values with my teaching and sort out how I want to show up for my virtual (or in person) courses.
This will also free up time for my personal work- and questions I am playing with as I think about this is- what happens if I let go of teaching my own classes in the way I have been at the volume I have been? EVEN if it is a large source of income- what does teaching look like if I prioritize my own creativity? How do I shift financially to make this possible? I don’t have answers, but this is often how I navigate change in my professional life, I try to hold questions and give myself space to think about my values as an artist and a teacher and recognize resistance and where it is coming from. It is scary, but it’s also pretty exciting.
Onto the main event.
Deepti wrote:
Hi Lindsay! This is so lovely. <3 I have been pondering something lately and am wondering if you might have any advice/insight to offer. I’ve been making an effort to put aside intentional time to work on my art lately…but now that I’m doing so, I’m coming up against the question of what kind of art I would make if I didn’t have anything external motivating me like a project or a deadline, but I feel a little uncertain/blank! I have a pretty regular sketchbook practice, but I’m also feeling the need to take my work beyond the sketchbook. It feels like one of those growing-pains-moments, and I’m trying different ways to discover what kind of art I’d like to make. If you have any advice on ways I could possibly explore these questions, I would love to hear it!
This question feels so apt to me as I navigate the things I shared above! Thank you so much for asking it Deepti, and I think you are right- it is a growing pains moment. I think I would like to tackle this in two parts. The first part being: What kind of art would I make if I didn’t have anything external motivating me? The second part being once I know what kind of art I want to make, how do I go about making it?
Part 1: What kind of art would I make if I didn’t have anything external motivating me?
The expansiveness of what we can make can feel overwhelming and what I am hearing from this question is the feelings of overwhelm are is overtaking the feelings of joy at what is possible. One of the things that creatives NEED in creative work are constraints. The difficult part of making work that is purely for us and not for a client or a deadline or a show- is that we have to come up with those constraints ourselves- and that means we have to choose a direction and stick with it for a bit.
So first- what are constraints? Constraints can be anything- I like to think of this as the container you make your work within. Limitations are helpful in narrowing our decision making and actually freeing up brain space to play and take risks.
Constraints can be physical- like the paper you use, the colors, the fact that you use clay instead of paint or pastel instead of woodblock printing. You choose a medium first, then you niche down. In painting- I always try to remind myself that while I always want to use all the colors- it ends in me feeling overwhelmed and not liking my chaotic painting. So a good exercise is to try to use a limited palette. When I do this I choose 2 reds, 2 blues, 2 yellows and a shading color and white. You could just choose blue and do a monochromatic painting- you could play with using complimentary colors or a harmonious palette (you can google these terms and sort them out)- the point being get clear with yourself about what tools you are using to make your paintings- set the rules for yourself as you build your container. Each step in container building is an exercise in choosing a direction and sticking with it.
Another aspect of a container can be conceptual! This can involve choosing a topic or theme that you are excited about. This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be literal like California wildflowers or landscapes of the places you have hiked over the summer. Perhaps you want to explore narrative in your work, or you want to paint new covers for the books you are reading. Maybe you want your paintings to be from your own lived experience- almost like a journal. I always try to encourage students who are exploring topics or themes to find small ways to bring themselves into their work more. You might incorporate softer or more open curiosities to your theme- you create a list of questions you want to respond to visually! I love asking questions and then seeing if I can explore them (not answer them) in my paintings. I keep a list of questions in my phone and my sketchbook. Some questions I am currently exploring:
How can time exist in a 2 dimensional space
what is a time slip, how does it look?
What is a portal? How does it feel?
How can I explore movement narratively
I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is that the act of making art is a creative pursuit which requires us to be present and open to it being different than we expected or intended. Over planning, over controlling creative work can often stifle it. So finding ways to be open and curious is often the best approach. Open with structure is how I like to think about it. Spend some time asking yourself what it feels like to be open to the different things your art becomes? How might it feel in your body to make work and allow it to be something new? How can you check in with yourself as you are making and recognize and feel resistance?
I am a firm believer that as artists we should be seeking discomfort- discomfort is an indication that we are challenging ourselves and uncovering new things.
Part 2: How do I go about making this work?
Knowing constraints and what you want your work to be about is the first challenge but I think what Deepti was also asking is how to show up and make that work!
Showing up when nobody is asking you to is difficult. We often prioritize the time we have for others over the time we have for ourselves, and the notion of having time is fraught with shame and guilt and scarcity. Beth Pickens has a really great essay on time in her book “Make Your Art No Matter What” which I highly recommend- but basically my takeaway is these two things. Time is a construct (a construct that we do have to live within) and how we feel about our time is also a construct and a narrative we shape. It isn’t that we don’t have time- it’s just about what we prioritize with our time. I say this with a small caveat which is that- sometimes you don’t have extra time or energy- life happens and it is important to acknowledge limitations. That said- most of us do have time- it’s just about how we use it and how realistic we are about it.
For me, when I was working multiple jobs and trying to make my creative work- I would find pockets of time that were just for me and I would kind of build rituals around them. I would wake up in the morning and make coffee and read for a little bit and then paint for an hour or two before walking the dogs. I would tidy up my desk but not put away my paints or work afterwards so that I could show up and sit down to work easily when the next pocket of time presented itself. This was when I would work nights and time felt scarce. Often I would come home from work and paint because as most people who work night shifts will tell you- you still have energy then. So I would come home and put on a podcast and paint for the duration of the podcast before going to bed- this was easier to do because I had incorporated prepping my space into my practice at the end- to prepare for future me.
Now when I am having a hard time focusing, I will use a timer and the pomodoro method. I prefer 45 minutes on and 15 off. I saw someone on instagram who stacks things on top of their phone each time they have the urge to look at it- that is helpful to me for sure. So create a structure around showing up and ask yourself what is reasonable with the time you have for showing up. If you feel you could do three evenings a week for 1.5 hours- set the expectation that you will show up twice a week so you don’t disappoint yourself. Think about showing up and time in terms of sustainability. Check in with yourself if you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.
As you show up, take note of how you feel, observe these feelings rather than react to them. Showing up doesn’t feel the same each day, sometimes showing up to make work we love is hard, is annoying, is frustrating- but by observing these feelings we can begin to note if there are patterns in our feelings, if our feelings are indications of what needs to take place in our work. Sometimes when I show up and feel resistance with a work it can be telling me that it’s time for me to take a risk in my painting that I wasn’t planning on, or it can tell me that it’s time to start a second painting so the two can talk to one another.
I can’t tell you what the difference is between resistance and burnout because what is true for me might not be true for you. But what I can share is that in my own experience, not wanting to sit down to make work is not the same as burnout. I resist showing up often when my paintings are presenting a challenge for me- they might be becoming something I wasn’t expecting, not working out the way I envisioned or be asking me to problem solve in a way I haven’t sorted out yet. The resistance I feel in those moments are often indications that I should show up anyway. The only way to get over a hurdle is by going through it and the only way I know that for myself is by being present in my feelings- noticing what is triggering them and being curious with myself.
Art making is problem solving, and as soon as we can identify that, the easier it is to show up even when we don’t know the answers or when it feels hard. We know that through making, intuition and showing up, the solutions will present themselves. The point is to show up. Ask yourself what you need to show up and find a way to do it- maybe tell your partner or your family that this is your plan so they know to give you space during that time. Show up first, worry about if it’s working second. Make your work first, worry about if it’s good later.
Questions to ask yourself as you develop a practice
What is an art practice? What do I want my practice to feel like?
What narratives do I hold around time?
How do I feel in my body as I sit down to paint?
What can make this practice feel more spacious? More luxurious?
What feels sustainable in art making?
Am I being curious or am I trying to be correct?
I really like all these questions. So much to think about. I also grapple with this teaching vs. personal work question and I am excited for you to have some space to just marinate on it.
This was so beautiful and rich, Lindsay. I hope you'll also consider whether you can enjoy narrowing down your offerings to one or two of your classes - and see how that goes - before deciding to cut the whole thing. I'm also envisioning a totally cool book of your sub stack essays illustrated by you!