The other week in Night Class (a long form class that I lead) we had a discussion on practice, as we do, and how endings and new beginnings happen within our practice. It was a really beautiful discussion and one that brought up new ways for me to think about endings within my own creative work. I often like to think about my practice as one flowing fluid line with no endings, but that isn’t the reality of it. Within that long flowing fluid line are an infinite number of beginnings and endings. Maybe the most obvious example of this is the deadlines I have to meet for client work. Client work is a part of my practice but it’s also it’s own thing. It can feel hard to hold client projects as my practice, but at the same time, it’s impossible to separate them. On top of that it is often hardest for me when the deadlines are done and there is a gap between projects. The really sick part about that is, while I am doing client work I am longing for the time when that work ends so I can work on my own projects without guilt. When the client work is over though, it can feel really frustrating and hard to remember my curiosities and what makes up my practice, and I feel at a loss for how to move forward creatively.
What happens when the expectations of others fall away? How do I find myself again? Maybe those aren’t quite the right questions. It isn’t as if I don’t put myself in my paid work. Perhaps it’s the fact that those projects end whereas my personal work feels endless. So maybe a better question is how can I uphold the continuity of self in all my work so that I don’t feel so lost in the endings?
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