In Night Class this week, we all shared different levels of feeling the pointlessness of art during really tumultuous times- now being one of them. I always debate how to share and how to show up frequently, on a regular day. It makes sense that we might feel disenchanted, hopeless, and perhaps a bit egotistical sharing art when there are bigger things going on. I am here to remind you that, firstly- there are always bigger things going on. Forever. They just often aren’t central in the news and we get to pretend they aren’t happening. And second, we need art to understand, to process and to take a break from the world, all of those reasons and more. Alongside making and sharing your art- please have empathetic conversations with family, friends and strangers, seek to understand and remind yourself that it’s ok to not know everything. There is no correct way to be present right now- regardless of what people will tell you- just show up how you can with empathy, seek to educate yourself, engage in your community, call your representatives, have meaningful conversations- all things that mostly take place outside of social media. Everything is political- action and inaction- remember that not participating is a political choice too, and one you need to grapple with internally. A final gentle reminder: only you know if and how you are showing up, you do not need to share in order to prove it.
On to paint.
I first realized my love for paint when I was in highschool. I had a cool highschool art teacher who encouraged me to continue painting in college and allowed me to make weird things and do my own projects, not just the assignments he gave in class. Shoutout to all highschool art teachers and parents who encourage kids to pursue things they clearly love. I liked the messiness of paint, the ability for it to become something totally new and unexpected. I loved mixing color and the texture I could get.
When I got to college the painting professor I initially took classes from really scared me into thinking there was a correct way to paint and that I didn’t get it. I often found that when we had critique I felt that I was doing the work wrong, using the wrong materials and in general not good at painting. Which honestly- all of those things were probably true. Ultimately I found painting in this environment was difficult to deal with- this was not to say that she was a bad professor, I just think we all have to find teachers who spark something in us. In fact it is the responsibility of us as students to seek those people out. I also want to say, I was not an easy student, I was frustrated and felt isolated and alone and like I wasn’t being seen. I lacked the ability to see the bigger picture, to understand myself within the context of the world but also in the smaller context of the classroom.
I eventually moved away from painting and into photography. I fell in love with the dark room and I took classes from Lewis Watts and became and still am so enamored with the way he views the world. Lewis is a documentarian, a photographer and in many ways a historian. In Lewis’ classes I started to see myself as an observer, as a student of light and narrative. In studying photography I began to view my own existence and the existence of other people as one with a story that I might explore. Lewis was and is the kind of professor who saw a student and encouraged their curiosity. As I said before, I wasn’t an easy student, I didn’t know what I wanted except that I wanted to do all sorts of weird and bad art and I wanted to be in Lewis’ classes. So I graduated college with a degree in black and white silver gelatin photography and a real love for the darkroom. It took me years of messing around but I found my way back to painting at community college in Santa Cruz and then at SFAI for a year where I got to study under some of my favorite people and people who I still consider teachers and some who I am lucky to call friends.
I share this to say that we sometimes need different materials and focus, and we often need permission from ourselves and the people around us to make weird things.
I keep coming back to a central question this year- why am I called to paint? Why do I pick up a brush instead of a camera? I don’t know that I have answers, likely just more annoying questions but something I keep coming back to is- Paint is paint. Paint isn’t pixels. Paint does messy paint things, unexpected things, makes new colors and reveals new shapes. Paint feels like alchemy. I have been thinking a lot about this struggle with perfectionism and exerting control onto paint that has presented itself to me in my own practice and in my practice of teaching. This is something I struggle with, it’s something my students struggle with and am noticing more as I move through this fall semester where I am teaching a semester class on painting. Perfectionism is something I want to intentionally identify and make space for us to move away from. In a digital age where you can hop on a screen or a computer and throw together an illustration in seconds, why paint?
A goal of mine this fall is to go see more art in person. This is hard and a hurdle for a number of reasons, time being one of them, but also my anxiety in large social situations especially something like an art show can often be hard to manage. Which, if you know me, is wild, because I love to be the center of attention and make jokes and make people laugh! We are nothing if not complex and contridictory!
This past weekend I took a little evening trip to Berkeley, I loaded up the dogs and took them to Point Isabel for some romping around before stoping at 2727 California Street to see “Magic Hour” a two person show with Rob Moss Wilson and Iris de la Torre. The opening was full of families with children, young artists and people I recognized from CCA and just being in the art world in the bay area. The light was gorgeous and it was a very lovely evening to be surrounded by laughter and art. I love both Rob and Iris’ paintings, and I really wanted to go in person to see the paint textures in real life rather than on a screen. They did not disappoint.
When we look at art online- especially large paintings, we miss out on the brushstrokes, on being able to see the colors underneath other colors. Noticing the light and the textures that make up the paintings is honestly just as important as the image itself. Viewing painting doesn’t have to be so serious but there is a reason it’s large! There is a reason it takes up space! When we view things online (the shitty pictures I am posting of these gorgeous paintings being no exception) it flattens everything, it squeezes everything down into a consumable image. I am not saying the internet is bad, I AM saying seeing art and paint in person is good. It’s different than passively consuming art on our phones, it’s transformative and it has the potential to make you stop and consider yourself and your surroundings in a new way.
I started following Iris (@generalwitch) on instagram because I love her drawings and stick and pokes and when I realized she paints too I was so excited to see her work in person. I love seeing the translation of people’s drawings into paintings and Iris’ work didn’t disappoint. Her drawings have a really beautiful simplicity to them that is hard to achieve and you can see that in her paintings with how she handles the sky and the moon (or the sun?) but there is also a ton of paint and textures and parts of the landscape that become so fun to get lost in.
I really needed this reminder that paint is meant to be viewed in person, that paint requires being present, messy, mindful and open to new directions. I left the show feeling really excited about the things I am exploring in my own large paintings, and ready to dive back into the unknown.
The next show I want to go view is Takashi Murakami at the Asian Art Museum- his show is a full conversation with digital art making, he has a cool interview in Juxtapoz that you can find here.
Anyway, a long ramble with no real clear conclusions! Welcome to Earthling! We’re messy, we’re curious and we are constantly muddying the waters.
Lindsay, this is so encouraging -- and a good reminder to go see some art out in my little town. Thanks for introducing me to the work of Rob and Iris! Even from afar, the paintings make me feel happy 😊
Thanks for sharing Lindsay. We’ve spoken in the past about photography, perfectionism, and how it all plays into our paintings. I just keep reminding myself that if I want to capture emotion or my view of something... I should paint it. If I want to document it then I should take a photo.